The Malaria finally got me! Coming to Zambia I had two expectations: 1) to live in a mud hut 2) to get malaria. It started out as the flu and I think my immune system just couldn't fight off two things at once and Malaria struck. Its weird to say but now I can relate to my village on a different level. Everyone in the village says they have a "bit" of malaria and at one point I thought I had a "bit" of the malaria myself but it was nothing compared to the main event. Now I can see how people die from it even though I was no where near that sick! It just takes a lot out of you and if you don't have the proper medical help and you don't catch it fast enough it can get bad really quickly. Puts things into perspective! Funny how a little mosquito can do so much damage!
A lot of things have been put into preservative lately. My village, my village life in particular has been hit with a series of unfortunate but eye opening events. My best friend at the school and my main co-teaching counterpart lost her husband last week suddenly. I talked to her the same morning about bringing her puppies to her and a few hours later she was a widow. While the husband was said to have died suddenly, I knew he was HIV positive. A few months ago(after a year of me being quiet and already knowing) my co-teacher FINALLY told me she was HIV positive and that she trusted me enough to tell me. It meant a lot to me for her to finally tell me. There is so much stigma around being positive that she isn't open with about her status to the teachers or the community. She told me that her husband recently found out he was positive but their 3 children were OK. She's very committed to taking her ARVs and living positively because of her 3 children, despite the fact that her viral load count is shockingly high.
The funeral was my first one here even though there seems to be one daily. Its sad to think that I wont see him anymore and its even sadder to see the fear in my teacher's eyes because now she's alone. I wish I could do something more for them but I can't. This is a reality that they face often and while I am not, they are very 'used'(use to it) as they say.
As volunteers want to be integrated into the community and live as much as we can like the locals .While its a noble idea, we're still so detached. The fact that I have a water filter to clean the water I drink sets me apart. The fact that while I had malaria I also have medical care readily available so I'm not nearly as sick as one could get makes me different. The fact that I have a bike and shoes to wear when traveling from one village to the next for projects makes me a rich person. At first I tried to explain that I wasn't rich but in reality I am. Not rich as in money but rich in things, simple things taken for granted that change lives drastically. Peace Corps has 3 main goals it tries to accomplish and 2 out of the 3 of those goals relate to cultural exchange. Its really hard to do development and skills transfer work (goal 1) when there are so many other dire needs. I cant do it all especially in 2 years and I am glad people realize that.We often times come into this thinking that in 2 years we're going to change the world and bring major change to our areas and its a hard pill to swallow when things don't go as planned. I don't want to build buildings (many PCVs do its just not my thing)or imply that the way of living is wrong and that is the common misconception with development and aid organizations. I want to give people skills, materials and confidence to change things on their own. I feel like to first step to doing that is by being connected with the village. After my malaria, the broken borehole, kids dying from diarrhea and my one of my best friends losing her husband, I feel like I get it. I feel like I know why I am here. Sure I cant change all these things in 2 yrs and 3 generations of PCVs may not be able to change things either but I do serve a purpose. I am here to listen. I am here as a link to connect people with local resources they don't know about. I am here to try. I love my village and the people in it and I am glad that(even through a series of unfortunate event) I understand more now. That also comes with being in the village for a year. My time is coming to an end, I have 8months left but there is so much I want to do. So much that needs to be done but all I can do is continue to build relationships and continue to try. That's enough and I'm finally OK with that because in a way it is changing the world. Their world.
